How PSYCHE inspired the novel
The PSYCHE mixtape was a culmination of three years of creativity and dreaming. Each girl in PSYCHE represents a different aspect of my own psyche. Cassie represents my head, Yummy represents my intuition, and Isabela represents my heart. I was compelled to create these characters not only as a means of self-discovery but also to make a point that one-sided brand identities are insufficient for reflecting the complexity of artists and young women at large.
I began with Isabela, who was a sort of armor I could put on. She knew how to handle being the object of others’ fantasies when I didn’t. She was unafraid of her emotions when I was. She took up space and owned her vulnerabilities confidently, and taught me to do the same. I went on to define Cassie, a character whom I’d spent much of my life as, but had begun to feel quite stifled by. Still, I was unwilling to throw her away so that I could take on a more palatable and vacuous pop girl identity. The last character, Yummy, was really the first character. Yummy is a childhood nickname, and she felt like the perfect third piece of the trio. She was meant to reflect my feistier, unfiltered, but also playful side. Something that felt the most instinctive and connected to my inner child.
I worked on this project from 2018 until its ultimate release in 2021. While I feel successful in realizing my vision for the project, at the time, it felt very unsuccessful due to the large gap between my dreams and the reality of who the PSYCHE mixtape could reach in terms of listeners. I hadn’t prepared for a music landscape impacted by COVID, for the reality of releasing art into the hyper-congested internet vortex as an indie artist, nor for the inevitable lull that follows the release of a large project. I went into 2022 having written no new music that I was pleased with in over a year, and feeling completely lost about my direction as an artist.
Feeling so adrift, I returned to my favorite childhood hobby– reading. It was something I’d given less energy to since my final years of college, feeling like it was a distraction from the “grind” of making music. In the dead of Chicago winter, I burrowed into my blankets and read some of my favorite fantasy novels from my youth. I had no idea what I was doing with my life, but I felt better visiting the faraway lands of these stories. While I was reading, I had the thought: Wouldn’t it be amazing to write something like this? My initial reaction to the passing thought was that it was ridiculous. I’d never written anything besides songs and English essays. I didn’t know the first thing about writing a novel. But then I looked at the poster of the PSYCHE girls on my wall, and realized I had three well-developed characters. I was quite familiar with the fantasy genre. I even had a plot structure to use, as I had developed a fascination with Joseph Campbell’s theories about the Hero’s Journey. And so, on that frigid January evening with no direction and nothing to lose, I decided, why not try? Why not write a few chapters and see?
I gave the PSYCHE girls new names so I could have a fresh start, opened my laptop, and set out to write. And then I couldn’t stop. Another three years later, I ended up with The Diviner Sisters. But I also ended up with greater confidence in myself. The Diviner Sisters became my candle when I was in my darkest place. I didn’t know where it would take me, if anywhere, but I trusted it, followed its light, and over the past three years have built a life for myself which no creeping doubts can diminish. I hope that the Diviner Sisters can inspire the same sort of hope and joy in you as you read it. I hope that PSYCHE can remind you to own every part of yourself. And most of all, I hope these two projects can remind you to trust your head, your heart, and your gut.
