Track by Track- Attention
So I am at the point where I’m wondering whether I should even publish these blog posts explaining the motivation behind writing each song. I could argue that art shouldn’t be so heavily dissected by the artist and it should be open to interpretation by the audience. I could argue that art is flexible and that each song takes on new meanings and layers depending on the context it’s being listened in. I could argue that I want my listeners to be a blank slate for that they can impart their own creativity and experience onto the template of the songs. All of these are things I wholeheartedly believe and I also know that I’m only making this argument to myself because I’ve reached the point where I have to be much more vulnerable if I’m going to adequately explain why I created this track and am looking for excuses not to share. So. Here we go. Attention probably doesn’t seem like that vulnerable of a track to be honest which is my default. I really like to bury my feelings and vulnerabilities in songs that I can write off as being “simple” “fun” “fictitious” “not really about me” or only “in service to the character” and then I listen back and I’m just like aajdhklagd;lkadsfjdhfjdfhldajshdlkajlahfd. Especially when I go ahead and do EXACTLY the thing I was warning myself about in the song. I always feel like I’m psychic writing these songs (which is why it felt appropriate to name y’all psychics). Because I’ll write a song and not really know why I’m writing the lyrics I’ve written but assume I’m “taking artistic liberties.” Then I’ll look back months later to find every word was true or has become true. I just stay thinking I’m lying in these songs only to find out I’m telling the truth and predicting future outcomes.
So… I wrote Attention as I was losing feelings for a boy. I had finally landed in this stage of “I don’t like him, I don’t respect him, I don’t want him, and yet I can’t stop fixating on him????” So then the question became “Then what exactly do you want from him???” And when I really thought about it I realized the answer was “Attention.” I didn’t want to not be important to him. I felt like I was constantly monitoring him to see if he cared about me at all, if he had ever cared about me, if I had ever meant anything to him or if I was just this crazy girl he couldn’t shake. I wanted to know if I took up space in his brain in any way comparable to how he took up space in mine. I wanted his attention to verify that I wasn’t like pathetic and crazy and delusional. I wanted his attention to verify that I was desirable. I wanted his attention to verify that I had held some value to him (newsflash I did not) and I wanted his attention because that seems to be the pattern I fall into. I feel like I must have like a 6th sense for latching on to the one boy in the room who is not interested in me even if I’m surrounded by boys who want my attention. So “Attention” is me being really honest with myself about what this obsessive feeling was actually motivated by and recognizing that at that point it was not love. So like self-analysis but make it cute.
This is a much more vulnerable Isabela compared to Glorious and that was intentional. She’s pretty desperate and needy here and that’s okay. Even though I like to pretend that part of me doesn’t exist it does and I need to express it somehow. Isabela is shameless in her expression of it, so I feel better placing the blame on her for the “less empowered” or “acceptable” behaviors. Isabela being my heart is by definition vulnerable and sometimes that vulnerability isn’t always the sweet romantic kind, sometimes it’s needy.
This song was co-written with Zhon Doe and it was a really fun process of trying to create a song that was pure pop.
Lyrics
Was out past midnight
Because I heard you’d show
You know Cinderella vibes
Looked like a goddess
But don’t think you would know
When you look right past me
I can’t let it go
You ever watch someone deliberately not look you in the eyes?
I don’t understand why
I have everyone else hypnotized
I got all your friends to fantasize
But I still can’t get you to realize
I want attention
Want your attention baby
I ought to mention
You’re my obsession lately
Baby boy get a clue
See how much I need you
I want attention
Showed up with another guy
But when to flirt with you
Might be a bitch all night
To the girls, you’re talking to
I’m not typically jealous and petty but it has been known to happen and I blame Isabela
Said I’m gonna lose my mind
I’d love to lose it for you
Sacrificing Cassie would be a small price to pay for true love 🥰 (Cassie ofc did not approve this message)
I don’t understand why
I have everyone else hypnotized
I got all your friends to fantasize
But I still can’t get you to realize
I want attention
Want your attention baby
I ought to mention
You’re my obsession lately
Baby boy get a clue
See how much I need you
I want attention
Baby if you’d focus
Maybe you would notice
Just how I’m perfect
And no one but you is worth it
I need your focus
Baby would you notice
You’ve got all my devotion
You cause all these emotions
I want attention I
Want your attention I want
I want attention I
Want your attention I want
I want attention I
Want your attention I want
I want I want
I want attention
Want your attention baby
I ought to mention
You’re my obsession lately
Baby boy get a clue
See how much I need you
I want attention
